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Facing the Unexpected
by Andrea M
Never in my life did I imagine that I would become a military spouse. When I was younger, I thought certain people were made for things like this and I was certainly not one of them.
My husband joined the U.S. Army Reserves as a chaplain in January of 2018 after 12 years of marriage. We were in a place I don’t think either of us expected, but God in His graciousness led us to it and I suddenly became something I never planned to be: an Army wife.
Life.
You can’t plan it. As much as you’d like to, you just can’t. You can try, but I sure haven’t had very good luck at it.
We plan because planning makes us feel safe, as the uncertainty can often be frightening.
Let me tell you a story.
I used to do a lot of traveling for an old job of mine. I was just out of college at the time—young and a bit unsure of life on the road.
I always had a fear of walking into a hotel room that was already occupied by someone. So instead of walking right into a room, I would push the door open and take a quick peek to survey the surrounding area before going any further. It sounds more like I was entering a crime scene than a hotel room. Oh, what the imagination can do.
However, my imagination proved to be true one evening as I lugged all my bags with me (I’ve always been a one-trip girl) up to my room a bit weighed down. But I still found the strength to push that door open and the first thing I saw was a bright light. Then I heard a man yelling profanities at me. I looked in the direction of the voice, and there was a man working on his laptop while sitting on the toilet. Doing his job times two.
That door I had pushed opened seemed to move in slow motion as it shut in front of me. I took a deep breath after the door closed. My hotel fear just happened.
I went down to the hotel desk to tell them that someone else was in that room, and he wasn’t very happy to have me as a visitor. The desk staff apologized profusely and gave me a suite for my trouble.
The Reality
Sometimes our fears come true; things in life we never expected can and do happen. The fear of deployment, loss of friendships, an impending move, starting all over again, death of a loved one, our child adjusting, finding purpose, a sick child, etc. What will we do with those times?
This past summer my husband left for three months to complete CHBOLC. I was scared and I can remember the waves of grief that would come over me as I thought about living life without my best friend next to me, becoming a “single” mom to a special needs child, and balancing all of this with full-time employment.
It was, in a word, overwhelming.
I remember the words of Jesus to His disciples in John 16:33:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Jesus gave His closest buddies a pep talk, some encouraging words for their impending grief. Really, it was some very good news in the face of the difficult news that after three years of walking closely with and teaching His disciples He would leave them to go back to His Father.
Life does not always hand us a hotel upgrade for our troubles like it did for me on that fall afternoon in the New Jersey Best Western. However, Jesus says we can have peace because He has overcome the troubles of this life.
Troubles are inevitable. Yet, whatever pain or grief our hearts will experience in this life, Jesus offers us Himself, His power and presence, to overcome them. Beloved, take this joyfully. Fear doesn’t have to control us. You and I will make it because Jesus is enough. We will walk through difficult seasons because Jesus is enough.
We will face our fears because Jesus is enough.
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What is a Lifegiver?
You would think that this would be easy for me as I have been using the term “lifegiver” for years to describe the kind of person I want to become. Yet when it came time to work on this episode, not only did I have a loss for words- I also went through a challenging week that completely changed my perspective. The military has a way of taking everything you put nicely in an organized box in your mind and then dumping it out and walking on it. Or maybe that’s just me… I have a feeling you have been there, too. I admit that I am not especially strong at adapting to change quickly which you can imagine makes being a military wife tough. Yet, in that moment, I thought about all of you. I was reminded of how much grit it takes to be a military spouse, regardless of branch or circumstance. Some days are easy, others can feel excruciating- yet we find a way to push through and find a silver-lining. In this episode, I describe what a Lifegiver is and the three things that I have found in common with every Lifegiver I have ever met. If we want to make a difference in our home and in the world, these are three things we MUST do. I hope it challenges and encourages you to work towards your purpose and potential. She must know her current passion and calling. What is it you love to do? What fires you up and makes you angry with the world? A Lifegiver must define or begin to define what she is currently passionate about and then be working towards her future purpose. What can you do right now to keep growing despite where the military sends you or whether it takes your spouse away? Creativity is crucial, knowing your purpose will help provide the hope as your place, the people, and seasons change. Secret: Our calling is rarely tied to things like your business, your crafts, or your ideas. The most fulfilling calling will always involve people who need the lifegiving hope our wisdom carries. Here is a short talk from Brene Brown on understanding the power of empathy. A Lifegiver must be able to protect her calling. Protection involves both offense and defense. You must first be able to know how to take care of yourself. Each of you likely know what state you are in and what you are “needing to do” or being asked to do to take care of yourself- so do something today that moves you in that direction- at least one thing. But a Lifegiver must also work in Defense. Once you know your calling, it is much easier to say no to the energy wasters be it tasks or people that suck the life out of you. Knowing your calling gives you the words you need to say no to other things. My challenge to you is to make a mission statement if you haven’t already. A Lifegiver must give her marriage and family her first fruits. As much as I hate hearing the phrase often used by the military to “put your household in order”, there is much truth in that no person can be mission ready if those she is responsible for are neglected, in conflict, or in trouble. The place where you have the most impact and influence is at home. Think of it this way. What you may have to offer someone else, multiplies when you invest in it at home. What someone else might walk away saying, “Gee that was nice of her” gets a “That was exactly what I needed in my life today” from our husband or children. Our calling is something that is a life journey, we will often need to take sabbaticals to give our first fruits to those that mean the most to us. This does not mean you lose your calling, but if you don’t take care of your first responsibility, you CAN lose your family. Bring life to the garden in your own backyard before starting a greenhouse business. Here is a great TedTalk by Benjamin Zander on how to define whether you know you are making a difference. He is a Classical Musician and uses music to make an incredible point.
