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Raising Gen Z (In the Chaos) Series
Ep 1: Raising Emotionally Safe Kids
Parenting is hard enough, but raising kids in a lifestyle of service sometimes feels even harder. For military there are constant relocations that make you wonder after a while if you are causing more harm than good. Accepting the call to a service lifestyle is a deeply personal one. Putting your life on the line for country and community is a sacrifice that impacts your entire family. In this interview I speak with Dr Joshua and Christi Straub, a couple doing outstanding work in the field of parenting. Joshua Straub, Ph.D., has two cherished roles—as husband to wife, Christi, and dad Landon and Kennedy. He serves as Marriage and Family Strategist for LifeWay Christian Resources and leads Famous at Home, a company equipping leaders, organizations, military families, and churches in emotional intelligence and family wellness. As a family advocate and professor of child psychology / crisis response, Josh has trained thousands of professionals in crisis response. He also speaks regularly for Joint Special Operations Command and for military families across the country. Josh is author/ coauthor of four books including Safe House: How Emotional Safety is the Key to Raising Kids Who Live, Love, and Lead Well and creator, along with Christi, of TwentyTwoSix Parenting, an online community of parents offering discipleship tools for their kids. Together, they host the In This Together podcast and their weekly Facebook Live broadcasts reach tens of thousands of families. Joshua and Christi have the “In This Together Podcast” where they address topics on parenting and marriage as well as their 22:6 Parenting Curriculum that gives you everything you could possibly need to succeed as a parent including- – A supportive group environment, – Tools to use with your kids and – Monthly curriculum for you to download each month. To listen to our interview on their “In This Together Podcast”
Ep 2: Raising Teens
Do you have a pre-teen or teenager? I am so excited to share with you my interview with Gary Allen Taylor from Axis. Axis is an organization whose mission is to empower the next generation to think clearly and critically about what they believe and to take ownership of their faith. They do this not by outsourcing parents, but by resourcing them to disciple and transfer legacy to their children as they face life’s questions and challenges. We also support faith leaders in churches and schools by providing content and facilitators who effectively introduce and address life’s toughest topics. Raising Generation Z kids is all about having the right information and tools to parent in a loving and effective way. You will love the approach Axis is taking to equip you. Don’t forget to sign up for their FREE newsletter called the Culture Translator. It will arrive in your email box every Friday with updates on what is happening in the culture, conversations your teen might be having at school, as well as tips for conversations you can start with your kids.
Ep 3: My Conversation with a Gen Z
What could be more honest than a conversation with my own teenager? I could not have a series on Generation Z without bringing one in on the podcast. In this interview, I give Aidan full permission to honestly talk with me about his experiences at school with bullying, active shooter drills, academics, and what it is like to be a military kid that moves around a lot.
Ep 4: It Takes a Village
WATCH or listen to this episode! Full transparency- I am in love with Young Life. This organization changed my life during our first deployment, simply because they loved my family when I needed it most. Now that my kids are old enough to be a part of it, I’m shouting it from the rooftops. Young life seres middle and high school students but extends all the way into college while also serving specific groups in need like special needs, teen moms, and more. In this interview, listen as I talk with Alex Holryode from Young Life in Columbia, SC. He shares how you can get your kids involved for extra support and positive role modeling- not to mention tons of fun. Be sure to click the links for more on Young Life and Club Beyond!
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Raising Gen Z Military Kids
There is a moment in parenting where you realize that you no longer have the advantage and you now know absolutely nothing. For me, it was the moment I was schooled by my kids on the new word for “cool”, which is now “savage”. Savage? Really? What followed was daily lessons of new social rules and slang.
Trying to figure out the new world of pre-teen/teen is like my first few years as a new mom. You second guess everything and it seems like they are going to hit their head on every corner, or in this case be emotionally rejected on a daily basis. How do our military kids do this?
Generation Z, born from the mid-90s to around 2012, is already swinging the pendulum like every generation before them. According to my interview with Gary Allan Taylor from Axis, this group would “rather lose their sense of smell than their digital device.”*
Now before you freak out (I did), we adults aren’t doing so great in that department either. Unlike the Millenials before them, Gary Allan said Gen Z kids value the importance of family even more than career. This could be because they have watched their parents live out a heavy work ethic to secure the house, career, and status (maybe even our social media status). Considering it is their parents “work ethic centric” generation that is running the academic generation, is it any wonder that anxiety and depression is on the rise for these students? High school graduation requirements look more like college and grades/SAT scores are no longer enough. “Family” sounds like a good direction for the pendulum.
Even bullying has changed. Both civilian and military parents have told me their Gen Zs have started to disconnect by putting in their earbuds to avoid interaction with aggressive kids, much like adults do on the subway. I think I would put my earbuds in, too.
When it comes to military kid Gen Zs most adults I’ve spoken with agree that much of their character has been shaped by overcoming difficulty and rejection, resulting in more mature and confident kids. Many are often more comfortable around adults than kids their age.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t need connection with their peers. All kids gravitate towards peers developmentally, which makes our military teens even more desperate for it. Yet, as I’ve experienced and heard from other military parents, that’s especially challenging in a civilian school where peer groups formed over years of neighborhood cookouts and team sports. It is difficult to advance in athletic skill with frequent moves or their sport of choice isn’t easily accessible.
Gen Z’s have massive amounts of information at their fingertips. Gary Alan said in our interview that they rely more on internet research and their peer group than authority for figuring out their way ahead. However, our military kids are struggling to find that peer group and say they feel either completely ignored or bullied for their attempt to insert themselves.
The concern here is that some military Gen Z kids would almost rather not form peer relationships at all than address rejection, bullying, or the effort to assimilate when they will eventually leave anyways.
If you are like me and need encouragement (in most cases every week), here is what I have heard from reaching out to parents and experts in my current “Raising Gen Z’s” series on the LIfegiver Podcast.
- Family: The fact that Gen Z kids are valuing family more than ever makes it easier to plan intentional family time to talk about being a Gen Z Military kid. As much as they are connected to their devices, they will likely not complain after you have agreed to set all devices down for a game night. (Expect full tantrums beforehand, though).
- It really will be ok: The other day, I spoke with a military brat who is entering her senior year of college. She was brilliant. Brilliant in her social skills and maturity. She told me how prepared she was for the academic load of school, but more so for the rhythm she developed over the years to assimilate while civilian students around her fell apart. Even better, she described detaching from an unhealthy peer group because she realized her maturity made her a better leader than a follower- WOW!
- Speaking of leadership– One civilian parenting expert I interviewed, pointed out that our kids’ intensity while assimilating into the school system has a lot more to do with their leadership potential. This really encouraged me to redirect my kids’ emotional energy towards leading rather than following as a means of fitting in. This next school year, we hope to have the boys be military kid ambassadors for incoming students.
- Wise Connections– Perhaps the answer for our kids isn’t assimilating the way we would “back in the day”. In a culture where bullying or meanness is ramping up, why not encourage our kids towards smaller circles? A few close friends is not only realistic, but models what adults do.
I’ve looked forward to this season with my kids for a long time. I enjoy the dialogue, the jokes around the table, and watching them evolve into awesome bigger people. Parenting the next generation has been a lot harder than I thought, especially with the challenges of the military lifestyle. I know every parent in the history of the world has said that, but I now see the importance of educating myself. Even if that means my kids will be the ones to school me- memes and all.
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Parenting Series (4 Parts)
Parenting with Small Kids
Marriage can often feel like a partnership more than a marriage during the years of raising kids. So many families talk about missing the intimacy they used to have and life feeling more like survival. Sure enough, it can feel like you are more shoulder-to-shoulder during this season. In this episode, we talk about how you can make more face-to-face time with your spouse as well as find ways to be more protective of it during the parenting years. We will talk about how to handle conflict, plan dates, as well as navigate the struggle of different parenting styles. A must-listen for military and first responder couples who often feel like ships passing in the night. Here is what others have said: 1. Always make an effort to treat each other as we would a guest in our home. Common courtesy and everyday kindness makes all the difference in the world. A simple “Can I get you anything” or “Can I help with that” have kept our marriage first. 2. Staying positive is really important and although it can be challenging at times I have found it always helps us get back to that sweet spot we long for. 3. Taking even ten minutes to talk to each other. It could be at 0500 or 2200….but either way, just spend some time not on an electronic device (provided they are not thousands of miles away at the time) and asking the other person about their day. We attend Bible studies and church functions where we can grow spiritually while the kids are doing the same. As the kids get older, the minutes will be easier to turn into hours. But for the very small and precious time the kids are little, my best advice is to make the most quality out of the little bits of time.
Bullying: It’s Not Just Kids Anymore
Bullying is a worldwide epidemic that impacts both children and adults. In today’s culture, we see cyber-bullying impacting adults like never before. Divisive conversations over social media, trolling, and mean-ness is causing people to think twice about staying connected online. During this episode in the parenting series, I sit down with Dr. Bina Patel an expert in workplace dynamics, conflict mediation with women, and conflict mediation between culture/religious groups. Dr. Patel offers strategies you can use in your workplace, volunteer circles and with your kids on how to confront bullies and build confidence. In today’s culture, ♣ 30% of teens in the US have experienced bullying ♣ School bullying: 1 in 4 kids at school have been bullied; 160K kids in the US miss school due to bullying ♣ Gay bullying: 2 to 3times more likely to commit suicide and 30% of all completed suicides have been related to sexual identity crisis in the US. ♣ 9 out of 10 LGBT students have reported being bullied at school within the past year. It’s not just for kids, though. Bullying between adults can make the workplace difficult to walk into each day. While many of us grew up being told to ignore a bully, Dr. Patel offers some ways to confront the bully immediately. Dr. Patel offers us an inspiring way to help our children build their self-esteem, find their words, get to the root of their feelings, and become assertive. Of course we all need a little bit of this too! Here are a few tips and resources that Dr. Patel offered: ♣ Confront the bully: don’t ignore it. Turn the negative into a compliment ♣ Love and respect: be confident and love yourself. If you respect yourself, the negativity and harsh words of the bullying will bounce off of you. – you control your own emotions, if you believe that you do, others will not be able to hurt you. ♣ Tell them to stop: point out they’re hurting you (assertive communication) – use the “put yourself in my shoes” technique. ♣ Silence: specific to online bullying- confront them through assertive communication, but do not continue the dialog. This is more harmful to the victim as others are reading it and it is set in writing. Note: if nothing else works, the silent treatment is the best treatment. As the victim, walk away from the bullying. ♣ Online bullying: block posts, delete the posts, report them to Facebook; reach out to the victim either via separate/private message, or stand up for the victim by responding to a bully’s post (assertive communication). Note to Parents: Know your child – know their behaviors, moods, and what makes them tick/happy. If you are cognizant of their behaviors on a normal basis, you will know that something is wrong if your child does not eat, becomes withdrawn, looks sad, etc. Monitor the social media outlets that your child may be using. It is wise to create an account to monitor them, more so that you are aware if someone is bullying them. Be a friend! When your child is depressed, sad, withdrawn, etc, talk them as though you are friends. It is important so that the child feels comfortable they can tell you what is on their mind. One of the books recommended: Confessions of a Former Bully
Parenting Teens with Pam Brummett
On this episode of Lifegiver, I sit down with my good friend Pam Brummett who has raised three fantastic kids, two of them still in high school. It turns out the military doesn’t ruin your kids 🙂
Win-Win Parenting
In this final episode in the Parenting series we are talking about how to apply Steven Covey’s Win-Win habit of 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families to parenting. Trying to get your kids to do chores can be a chore itself often leaving you feeling you are on the losing end. As kids get older, they start wanting to find ways of being on the winning end as well. Win-Win can help you both feel successful while your kids are motivate by their freedom to choose what they do. I also take some time to talk about how teens develop and how you can better understand what is motivating your teen to find his or her peer group or apply themselves to their school work.
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My Life as a Military Kid
If you have kids, you don’t want to miss this episode. My kids have been begging to be a part of the Lifegiver Podcast, and I thought it would be a great idea to interview them on what it is honestly like to be a military kid. Aidan is 12, and in his second year of middle school. Jackson is 9, and in 4th grade. We sat down for an unscripted interview where I encouraged them to be honest about their life and experiences, both the good and the bad. They share some of their struggles and successes, so you will definitely want to let your kids listen. This is a great one to listen to while in the car and then talk about it at the dinner table later. Dinners together as a family have shown in research to be one of the biggest keys to a successful, connected family. While at dinner, ask your kids what their thoughts were about the podcast, what they identified with, agreed with, or disagreed with. Special thank you to Kelly Keseecker’s son Carter for his courageous Shout Out and Janine Boldrin from, Chameleon Kids Magazine, for hers as well. You can find out more about Chameleon Kids Magazine, the only magazine for military kids, by military kids, here.
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Homeschool Spouse
Happy New Year! Lifegiver is back with an all new episode that is perfect for every parent. This week I interview Jennifer Hamrick- military spouse to an Army Chaplain, homeschool mom, and blogger. She may not say it herself, she is far too humble, but she is a mentor to so many on so many things “motherhood”. I have sought her wisdom on many occasions and watched as she patiently disciplined her 4 boys all while homeschooling them all. With a degree in Early Childhood Education, she has been on both sides of the issue and can speak to all of us regardless of where our children get their education. In this candid talk, we discuss her journey in deciding to homeschool as well as how she has navigated balancing taking care of herself and marriage. She and I discuss the stigmas for both sides, including the assumption that homeschool students struggle with social skills as well as perceived judgement for those who don’t homeschool. You will also find TONS of resources from Jennifer as she shares her best tried and true websites, curriculum, and books that have helped guide her and keep her successful (and sane) as a mom and teacher. More than anything, allow her humility and words encourage you. We can all learn from each other and find ways to speak life into each others’ situation. Jennifer’s Blog: The Hamricks: A Mom, a Dad, and 4 boys Here are some of the resources Jennifer mentions: Managers of Their Homes : A Practical Guide to Daily Scheduling for Christian Homeschool Families (includes Scheduling Kit), by Steve & Teri Maxwell. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to go to bed each night, with the peace of mind that you accomplished what you wanted to each day, such as a clean house, AND homeschooling? Our Cozy Den: http://ourcozyden.com The Adventures of 2 Stay-at-Home Parents and their 4 Crazy Kids Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA) http://hslda.org When two attorneys and homeschooling dads—Mike Farris and Mike Smith—founded Home School Legal Defense Association in March 1983, homeschooling was just a tiny blip on the educational radar screen. The age-old concept of parents teaching their children at home had fallen into obscurity. Families who chose such a “nontraditional” education route often encountered opposition, sometimes even legal challenges, from the educational bureaucracy as well as from their own friends and relatives. Seeing a need for affordable legal advocacy, the two Mikes joined forces to establish a nonprofit ministry to defend and advance the constitutional right of parents to direct the education of their children and to protect family freedoms. Homeschooling for the Rest of Us: How Your One-of-a-Kind Family Can Make Homeschooling and Real Life Work by Sonya Haskins Hello Mornings http://www.hellomornings.org Based on the free eBook, Maximize Your Mornings by Kat Lee, the HelloMornings challenge was birthed to encourage Christian women toward the life-giving habit of waking up FOR their lives instead of TO their lives. The first challenge formed back in August 2010 and has grown to a movement of thousands of women in countries around the world, with over 200 volunteer leaders. Our motto is “God.Plan.Move.” and we aim to empower women to spend time with God, plan their day and make healthy choices first thing in the morning. In just a few minutes each morning, we can attend to the most important aspects of our lives – our relationship with God, planning, and improving our health. The goal isn’t overnight transformation, but slow and steady progress toward life long habits that radically change the direction of our lives and allow us to thrive in whatever role God has given us. Time4Learning •Accelerate your child’s learning through online self-paced study. •Save the time you spend on planning and reporting to focus on what’s important. Having fun helping your child learn and grow. •Give your child the right tools to build his or her confidence and self esteem through a well rounded education. •Remove the stress from the homeschooling process, so you can spend more quality time with your child. Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons by Siegfried Engelmann
