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Seeking Counseling: Everything You Need to Know
Get ready to take some notes!! This episode is LONG overdue and chock full of so much information.
I get asked weekly, “How do I find a clinician?” “What do I search for?” “How will I know if they are a good fit?” For years I dug into Psychology Profiles and even websites looking for clinicians that were not only competent, but understood the service lifestyle. This year, I launched the Lifegiver Clinician Directory – the first ever searchable directory and database of clinicians that have a passion to serve you. Some of them are even first responders, spouses, and veterans!
Now you can find someone using the map or search fields to find the kind of provider that works for your family!
In this episode I also cover:
- How to know if you need counseling
- The difference between a counselor, psychiatrist, and psychologist
- The different types of counseling and treatments
- My experience with EMDR
- What I look for in a clinician
- How to handle your counseling relationship when it doesn’t feel like a good fit
Stay tuned, Season 4 is coming to a close soon. Listen in as I talk about the vision for Season 5!!!
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The Impact of Family Readiness on Marriage
Matt joins me again for another episode where we talk about the impact of Family Readiness on the marriage. For years, decades even, the military has told families that their support makes the mission successful. Unfortunately, families are getting tired and are wondering at what cost. In this episode, Matt and I have an honest conversation on how families indeed play a part in mission readiness but also how we can change our perspective to a more influential one that can change the trajectory of our entire family.
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My Strategy for Affair Recovery: How to Move from Crisis to Intimacy Again
Betrayal is unfortunately more common than you think- especially in the service culture. In this episode, I share with you the strategy I use to help couples work through affair recovery. There are three phases and couples will certainly stall, if not fail, in recovering their marriage if they miss important steps throughout the phases. Two people, if are both willing to work hard, can rebuild their marriage after an affair and go on to have a rich relationship.
Here are some of the resources mentioned throughout the episode:
My interview with Dr. Mike Sytsma
Here is also my podcast on “Sin in a Christian Marriage” Part 1 & Part 2
More Resources:
• Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. There is also a workbook available for this book. (faith based)
• Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity by Gary & Mona Shriver (faith based)
• Secrets to Surviving Infidelity by Scott Haltzman
• After the Affair by Janis Spring
- Rebuilding Trust Video – Using the image of a “trust bucket,” Dr. Mike addresses rebuilding trust after an affair.
Setbacks in Marriage- The Podcast Episode
Women & the Tough Bible Verses– (Topic of Submission and gender roles in the Bible- Authentic Intimacy)
People Are More Important Than Marriage– Authentic Intimacy, When you shouldn’t fight for your marriage
Sexual Intimacy and Post Affair with Mike Sytsma
How do Affairs Happen? New Life Church, Brady BoydArticles:
So You’ve Hit a Marriage Setback: 3 Steps
Military Marriage: When to Separate
Mike Sytsma- Betrayal & Affair Recovery (articles and video)
Protecting Your Marriage from an AffairBooks:
Mission Ready Marriage: My Life As An Active Duty Wife Claire Wood
Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage Corie Weathers -
Addiction & Marriage
When a good friend approached me and asked why I had not addressed addiction and alcoholism on the podcast yet, I didn’t have an answer. I could not believe this topic had not yet been covered. As Alyssa and I talked, she shared with me that she had searched everywhere for solid information on how to address alcohol addiction in her marriage.
Ultimately, I invited her to courageously share her story. In this two-part interview, Alyssa shares how alcohol in the service culture impacts so many marriages and families and how she approached her husband on his drinking.
There are many different ways that alcohol, pornography, or other addictions can destroy your marriage. We won’t be able to address addiction from all sides in this interview; however, I am so proud of how Alyssa handled her situation. Alyssa does a fantastic job of not only respecting her husband and marriage, but also modeling healthy boundaries, asking for change, and supporting her husband through his recovery.
If you are struggling with addiction, or your spouse is, there is help out there. No couple should approach a situation like this alone. Counseling, the military ASAP program, and 12-Step Programs in your area can provide the help you need to navigate the complexity of addiction and recovery.
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Where is God? A Conversation About God in the Dark Places
Welcome to another Sunday Special! I am so happy to bring back my good friend Sarah- you may remember her from episode two when we had a roundtable discussion. I wanted to bring Sarah back because she is not only funny, but I just love to listen to her talk!
In this episode, Sarah and I talk about what it is like to go through difficulty and feel like God is distant. Is He trying to teach me something? Is this happening because I did something wrong? It is so easy to try to rush through difficult circumstances and learn whatever you have to learn to end the struggle when what He really is trying to do is grow your character. Join us as we wrestle through this conversation of “Where is God in the Dark Places?”
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S4 Ep 3 OPSEC: Keeping your Family and Mission Safe
(WATCH or LISTEN to this episode!)
Safety and security is more important than ever. In a time where foreign adversaries are actively targeting and using American social media accounts, we need all the help we can get to keep our family and mission safe. In this episode, I bring in my good friend, OPSEC Alex (Alexandra Panaretos) to give us practical advice and tips on personal and operation security. I met Alex in 2015 at the AFI Military Spouse of the Year Awards where we discovered many military spouses, now in the public eye, were targeted by adversaries and being investigated by the FBI. This hit home for so many of us and we realized it was time to take our personal information, including information on our family, seriously.
Alex, a former military spouse herself, has made it her mission to educate military families and businesses on digital and personal safety. This episode may be tough to hear, but it is absolutely imperative to share with your friends and family, as well as the military families you serve with.
This episode can also be WATCHED on the Youtube link below.
Recommended Articles by OPSEC Alex:How to Declutter and Organize Your Personal Tech in a Few Simple Steps
What should I do if I think my kid’s device has been hacked?
A Traveler’s Guide to OPSEC
With just $60, researchers found and tracked NATO troops and even tricked them into disobeying orders
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S4 Ep2 A First Responder/Military Spouse Roundtable
What happens when a veteran, a military spouse, and a first responder spouse sit down and talk about life together?
I often get asked, do we really have that much in common? Why would I have a podcast where I address the needs of both military and first responders? Because we have a whole lot more in common than you think.
In this episode, I bring Ashley and Sarah on the podcast to talk about our different worlds and we would love for you to join us.
Sarah is a first responder spouse, whose husband is now on the local SWAT team. She brings authenticity and humor that will brighten anyone’s day.
Ashley, calling in from Italy, is a veteran herself by has retired and is now a military spouse. For those who don’t know, we call that a dual service family. She brings a perspective that all of use should pay attention to.
Grab a cup of coffee or tea and pretend you are sitting at the table with us. You will definitely be changed by this conversation.
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The Family Series (4 Part)
The Family Series (4 Part)
Part 1
I was asked recently to address how to communicate better with family members- especially when the service lifestyle has changed you and your spouse. This is a sensitive subject so hang on to your seats as we tackle perspective from many angles. This episode is all about how to understand what changes your family might see in you. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much we have changed until we go back home. We will talk about how to see your own changes as well as what family might see in you. But what if there are significant changes? What if your spouse has PTSD? Here we start the discussion on what you can do.
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Part 2
Has the service lifestyle changed you? Most likely it has and trying to explain to your families members how and why is difficult. In response to the requests for advice on how to talk with family, I decided to offer you a 2 part segment where I specifically talk to your family! In this episode, I explain some of the cultural dynamics that have contributed to changes they may have seen in your family. These conversations can trigger lots of emotions, so this is a great episode to share with those you love!
[podbean type=audio-rectangle resource=”episode=apct4-97de68″ skin=”1″ auto=”0″ height=100 ]Part 3
In Part 3, I speak specifically to family members rather than service couples. Many families describe visits like walking on eggshells and that is no way to enjoy a visit! If you have not heard Part 1, definitely start there. This offers practical tips for relating to your service family who might be struggling with PTSD, combat stress, or other changes that might stand out to you.
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Part 4
There couldn’t be a better way to finish the Family Series than for me to interview Kim Weathers, my mother-in law and Matt’s mom. She is a proud wife to a retired police officer and also now knows what it’s like to have a son in the military. In this sweet interview, Kim shares the challenges of accepting her son’s calling into the military, what it has been like to see our family change and go through difficulty, and encourages other family members on how to maintain strong relationship with their serving family members. It was a vulnerable conversation for both of us, but so, so, worth it.
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More Alike Than Different
In this episode, I talk about the similarities and differences found between military and first responder communities and why we need to find ways to better support each other.
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Compassion Fatigue
Lifegiver is BACK with an all new episode! Welcome to 2017! I’ve returned from a sabbatical and have been thinking a lot about compassion fatigue and burnout. No doubt that I have seen this in my own life, but what if it is a bigger problem than we realize in our community? If you are burned out from volunteering or giving all of your compassion away to the outside world- you are not alone. In this episode, we will talk about how to know if you are struggling with compassion fatigue and ways you can get yourself back on track and healthy again. It is a big problem, especially if you have nothing left to offer your marriage or family. Military and First Responders have the most difficult time saying “NO” when their entire world revolves around service.
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Finding my Stride
In this episode, I interview Lena Steiner. I met TeamSteiner in Colorado during one of the most significant seasons of my life. That deployment changed a lot of us, including my own husband. But it was the support of Corey and Lena Stenier that carried an entire squadron through dark days. TeamSteiner served military families by Corey taking on the heavy responsibility of the Rear Detachment Commander- staying behind while the rest of the Squadron deployed and Lena supporting him and becoming a leader herself. Lena talkes about how losing friends in war has affected her marriage and her process of embracing the military lifestyle. lenafamily When it comes to leadership, Lena describes the impact on marraiges when leadership considers families as priority. Key spouse leaders changed her life by their willingness to create community and introducing her to running. She is now qualified to run the Boston Marathon and has trained even through her current second pregnancy! I have always admired Lena for her compassion for people, but also her fierce approach at life that earned my nickname for her “The Beast”. Here is a picture of pregnant Lena smoking me on a 5 mile run.
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Parent Fail
It is one thing to go through the constant change in my life, it’s another thing entirely to watch my kids struggle. I feel responsible for their well-being, but how do you know when your kids are really struggling with the constant transition of moving, making friends, and leaving friends? Kids and adults feel stress in similar ways, but sometimes their expression of it may look different. This is a season of transition for #TeamWeathers. We spent a year and half in Georgia and will only spend 6 months here in South Carolina. Knowing this, I saw my youngest begin to struggle. When school started, he picked up a cold that kept him home for a few days. When I noticed his cold was not getting worse and he was avoiding school I felt in my gut that something was off. Mixed with frustration and selfishness (to be transparent) I needed to figure out what my child was feeling but could not express. In this episode, I walk you through my own experience of working with my son. The heartbreak of hearing his stress and the battle of guilt I had to walk through myself. I will give you some tips on behaviors to look for in your children if they are trying to tell you they need help as well as what you can do to help them. Even more, I will address the internal struggle moms go through when we sometimes get it wrong. – Here is a little bit of what I cover: – Hidden Clues to look for when your child is struggling – Why we can’t read their minds- no matter how hard we try – How kids control their world when it feels out of control – How to not spiral into guilt and shame when you miss the clues you child is giving you Special thanks to Kelly Keesecker and her son Carter for the incredible “Shout Out” thanking an important friend who supported them during transitions. This one is definitely worth listening to and sharing with other moms you know. Let’s all be honest… Parenting is hard and you will never get it right every time. But we can all begin to be pick up some tips and be graceful with ourselves. Most of the time (if we allow it) imperfection leads to breathing hope into someone else’s life. Hopefully this will inspire you to do this in your child’s life.
