Who Is Really the Problem Here? The Reintegration Battle (Military.com)

video-game-1800x1200-ts600-1.jpg

When I came home from my extended business trip, it was clear: My husband and our boys had together adopted a new world and language.

My trip was longer than most I've done recently, and my husband had held down the home front. Before my trip, we had both simply put up with our kids' new Minecraft obsession, and worked to control our eye rolling when they talked about "battling the Ender Dragon."

But when I returned, I could see that the three of them had formed a special bond through a Minecraft world during my absence.

I felt stuck on the outside of my family's relationship over this game -- a feeling I assume many troops experience when they return home after deployment. I struggled for the next few weeks, watching them play together and sometimes go over what we had before decided was our max on electronic time.

From my outside view, this whole thing looked like a video game problem that needed balance.

But for my husband, their newly shared hobby was a fun platform that not only gave his mind a break from work, but provided father-son quality time.

In my head, I wanted to sit in my feelings of resentment and jealousy over their time together and force them to see what I considered a problem.

When it comes to marriage, it is far too easy to assume that our spouses are the problem, especially when it involves hobbies that aren't shared. In my counseling practice, I often see intense conflicts between couples when one is invested in a hobby more than other would like.

There are endless examples of activities that start off as "cute" in the relationship, only to drive a wedge later -- hunting, crafts, sports, clubs, video games and more. At some point, the hobby isn't cute anymore because one spouse is enjoying it "too much" -- a level that the frustrated spouse has determined on his or her own.

Military life doesn't exactly help with that. When so much time is spent apart, both the service member and the spouse have to find their groove separately. We each invest in activities that interest us, fulfill us and maybe even bring us a sense of purpose. When we come back together, our worlds conflict because, frankly, we each needed different things during the separation.

If you're a service member, you may have found activities that helped you compartmentalize or deal with boredom. If you're a spouse at home, you may have immersed yourself in activities that involved community or provided a sense of purpose.

It makes sense that the two separate worlds conflict at homecoming. But that collision can create a gap in our relationships that makes us feel even further apart. We begin to see our spouses as wrong and their interests as destructive, often because they are not interests we share. And if it gets really bad, we start making ultimatums.

The number one complaint I hear from military spouses is that they feel their service member chooses video games or friends over them. And the number one complaint I hear from service members is that their spouses choose the children over them.

The conflict is real.

Regardless of which spouse you relate to, there is something in all of us that gets disappointed, even hurt, when our spouses don't appreciate what interests us. Whether our spouses care about what we do matters, especially if they don't share the same passion for it we do.

Balance and moderation are necessary, but so is room for different interests and hobbies. My conflict at my homecoming was not about Minecraft or parenting differences, it was about believing the best about one another and truly listening.

By paying attention only to my perspective, I missed that Minecraft was more than a strange digital world of building blocks -- it was an opportunity for my husband build something with his sons. Through Minecraft, he was rebuilding relationships that had endured separations and plenty of previous missed opportunities.

My own mini-reintegration gave me an opportunity to think about how many times my husband faced the same dilemma of being the outsider at homecoming. It's entirely possible that in the past he had experienced the same choice I had in that moment: Stay on the outside of the hobby or choose the harder option to reintegrate through acceptance and growth. I don't have to love Minecraft, but we all can benefit from me valuing what is important to them.

You can make this choice too. Choose to believe the best about your spouse. Choose to become interested in what he or she finds exciting. Choose to communicate instead of assume.

Celebrating battling the Ender Dragon together was far better than watching it from a distance. And even better is understanding the sweet exchange between father and sons because I have chosen to listen.

PrintEmail

Tips for a Happy Military Marriage (Military.com)

happy-couple-1800x1200-ts600.jpg

What if we make marriage a lot harder than it needs to be? What if I told you there are a few tips for a happy marriage you can follow to easily bring intimacy and closeness back to your relationship?

The good news is that most couples do not need an overhaul of their relationship, they just need to be reminded that it's going to be OK. The military lifestyle throws a lot of curveballs, and it can make anyone feel like the relationship is on shaky ground, even if it isn't.

It is completely normal for intimacy with your spouse to ebb and flow. It can be days before you get an evening together when your service member is training. Some schedules have you feeling like you are ships passing in the night, literally. Even reintegration after a military separation or deploymentcan leave your military marriage feeling disconnected.

For many couples, anxiety runs high wondering if they will ever feel close again. I know this sounds strange coming from a counselor, but sometimes reconnecting doesn't have to include massive processing or rehashing the relationship.

Even if your relationship is struggling with bigger issues, here are a few tips for a happy marriage that are not only amazingly simple but effective to "get there" quickly.

Tips for a Happy Marriage: Daily Check-ins

When one or both spouses feel insecure, it is easy to go overboard on communication, especially when you haven't seen each other for a while. A "check-in" is a simple five- to 10-minute conversation that gives your spouse a highlight reel of how you are doing. It's perfect for early in the morning to communicate how you slept (which impacts your mood and day) or at the end of the work day. You simply take turns briefly answering these questions:

1.How am I feeling (physically and emotionally)?

2.What is on my mind? (i.e. I slept horribly, I have a million things to do, etc.)

3.How can I best serve you today?

Notice that this is not a time to solve problems, talk about bills, or even process emotional wounds. You would be surprised how often your spouse's mood has nothing to do with you. Speak briefly in one to two sentences per question and catch up. Give each other the permission to not worry about the relationship by checking in.

Tips for a Happy Marriage: Hold hands

When was the last time you held hands? As ridiculous as it sounds, we can too easily fall out of this habit. Have you ever tried to argue when you are holding hands? It's pretty difficult to be mad at someone when you are holding hands. Physical touch is a strong communicator that says, "I'm cool with you." Often, it is better than words.

Usually one spouse values physical intimacy more than the other and gets a bad rap as if all they want is sex. Instead, it actually means they experience deep connection, love and express love through touching first.

Holding hands goes a long way. Reach out to your spouse, take them by the hand, and try your check-in. It is pretty powerful.

Tips for a Happy Marriage: Eye contact

Yep, it is really that simple, folks. Couples who come to me for marriage counseling or who are on retreats tend to sit shoulder to shoulder rather than facing each other. They start to squirm when I ask them to sit knee to knee because it is a more intimate posture.

Technology is also robbing us of intimate moments when our eyes are diverted to something else. Lately, our family is attempting a "Life After 5 p.m." rule in which all devices are put away at 5 p.m. It is a time to acknowledge each other, look each other in the eyes and be fully present.

Eye contact also opens your hearing in a way that will reduce miscommunication and express that your spouse is the most important person in your world. Want to go even deeper? Stare into each other's eyes for five minutes without talking. At first, you will giggle, but if you can make it past that, tears will naturally follow. Soul connection doesn't always involve words; we just want to be truly seen.

The next time you feel like it is all falling apart, try one or all of these things. You will be surprised at how much difference they make. Physical expressions of love, undivided attention and briefly communicating your internal world go a long way.

While some marriages have major issues that trigger conflict (or what I call "minefields"), most if not all can reduce those mountains back to anthills by working on these simple solutions.

Stress a little less by being just a little bit more intentional. It may be just that easy.

PrintEmail

How to Be Your Own Marriage Superhero (Military.com)

When I pretended o be Wonder Woman as a kid, I focused on her superpowers, trying to mimic flying through the air and dodging bullets. But as an adult, I realized I could not truly be a fan without looking into her whole story.

Fans of any superhero become deeply attached as they follow their favorite's journey through comic book pages or on film, identifying more with their flaws than their superhuman abilities.

Within the journey are answers to our own weaknesses and insecurities.

When it comes to relationships, superheroes often struggle to balance calling with the equal desire to love and be loved. Like all of us, they deeply desire relationships and have vices that keep them from it. Some of them are even tempted to give up part of who they are to get that love, but in the end learn to balance both.

We can learn a lot from the hero's journey -- maybe even how to become a hero for ourselves. Here's how

Every Superhero Has a Backstory

 

As much as you would like to forget about the past, your backstory affects your past, present and future. Comic books re-visit a superhero's backstory over and over because it impacts how they see the moment and how they see themselves. Would Bruce Wayne have become Batman had his parents not been taken from him? Your story, good and bad, makes you who you are.

Just like any superhero, you must bring purpose out of it in order to find healing in your life. In marriage, your backstory will come up in conflict, values, and your experience of love. Bring purpose out of pain if you must -- and then use it to serve others.

 

The Call to Adventure

 

Just like Moana is called to the water and Princess Diana of Paradise Island is called to Man's World, there is always a call to adventure. Many heroes deny the calling, or at least try. For others, something tragic happens to sabotage the call to adventure. Fear, insecurity, even others can convince you that the adventure is too dangerous.

There are many calls to adventure in marriage -- the wedding day, reconnecting after a fight, having children, even courageously tearing down the emotional walls that separate you. There will always be a temptation not to answer the call and wait. But you will never truly know the power of marriage, or your own ability, if you deny the call.

 

Answering the Call

 

Moana crosses the reef; Diana leaves the island to go to Man's World. Ironically, this is the favorite part of the journey for the audience and possibly the worst for the hero. The hero must battle the enemy, rescue the victim, and is bloodied and bruised. The audience doesn't want it to end, but it is not because of the external battle. It is the hero's inner conflict to which the audience relates.

Marriage is difficult because we must face our own insecurities, backstory, temptations and weaknesses if we will ever have the marriage we desire. This is where we will experience the ugliness of our spouse, life and the world. It also where we see what we are made of and then made into who we are capable of becoming.

Blessing

 

When the battles seem never-ending, it is hard to believe that blessing is on the other side, but it is. Once the hero has resolved the internal conflict, blessing in the form of completion always happens next.

Not be confused with perfection, there will always be another battle to fight or inner conflict to resolve. Instead, blessing often comes in the form of love from whomever they saved, validation of their identity, or renewed confidence. In marriage, we see it in the release of tension when we have worked through a difficult conflict and find each other again.

True Identity

Every hero is transformed through this process, and so are you. It is a cycle we go through again and again as we grow into who we have been created to be.

Deployments change us, as do life's surprises. Many of us return to our loved ones different than we left.

For Diana, she is no longer just their princess, she is now Wonder Woman. Superheroes realize through this journey that they no longer fit in one place and must accept who they are.

Marriage can become truly home. Your spouse can be your safe place to return where you can rejoice in victories or have your wounds bandaged -- either way, you are home and you.

Where are you in the hero's journey? Do you need to accept the call to adventure, embrace your backstory, or maybe remember blessing is coming? Where is your spouse in his or her journey? Don't forget that they are your hero too.

While superheroes struggle to balance their calling with their relationships, they recognize that there is no calling without love. Those who love a hero accept that their hero may be called to serve the world, but they get to serve the hero.

You can watch or listen to more about "The Hero's Journey" on the Lifegiver Podcast.

PrintEmail

Military Marriage: When to Separate (Military.com)

empty-bench-1800x1200-ts600.jpg

How do you know when to separate from your spouse or when to call it quits?

In almost every scenario, I tell a couple to fight for their relationship. Too often, I see couples give up. It's one of the reasons I passionately remind couples of their vows. Marriage, I believe, gets better only when you work hard and grow closer through difficult times.

But there are a few, albeit relatively rare, situations where you will hear me deliver a different message: one when I say "leave."

Every relationship has unique dynamics and variables. There is no black-and-white rule book that tells you what to do or when to separate or divorce. Ultimately, it is your decision, and any therapist will tell you that.

But many who need to make a decision like this hesitate because there is "too much at stake," they say. Fear of your service member losing their career, the loss of military health benefits, violence or the loss of your dream can keep you from seeing your situation clearly.

For this reason, I encourage anyone considering divorce to consult with a third-party professional, pastor or therapist to help you navigate a permanent decision.

That's why instead of telling you how to know if your relationship is over, which seems scary and permanent, these are instead examples of when to consider separation. Oftentimes, distance can provide safety, clarity, support and the ability to make a decision that feels right for you and your family.

When to Separate: If There Is Abuse

As easy or obvious as this sounds, it is never easy for the person in that situation. If you believe that you are in a sexually or physically abusive relationship, seek a professional to help you establish a plan for safety. If you are unsure what that abuse might look like, here is more information.

Physical abuse is usually entangled with emotional abuse, making it difficult to leave -- especially if your life has been threatened. Even if the abuser is regretful, eventually the cycle of abuse will continue.

Whatever reasons are keeping you from getting the space you need to find safety and clarity, they are not as important as you and your spirit. Remember, we are not talking about divorce papers, just gaining enough distance to find clarity and resources. Food, shelter and safety are your main priorities.

Important note: If children are in the home, enabling contact with the abuser can show an inability to protect them from harm. Your main responsibility is to protect them before saving your marriage.

Emotional abuse is more complicated to sort through than physical abuse. There are times when extreme manipulation, cruelty and controlling behavior make it imperative to your health to leave.

Other times, spouses believe there is emotional abuse only to discover through professional help that the relationship is salvageable. Talk with a professional to help you decipher.

When to Separate: If There Is Addiction Without Recovery

 

The topic of addiction is very complicated. It is hard enough to watch your spouse struggle with a disease, but living with the consequences of that disease is even harder.

Regardless of what the addiction is (sex, pornography, alcohol, etc.), recovery is a roller coaster for everyone. It is true that recovery is easier when the individual has a strong support system, but only when that person has admitted that they have a problem and are seeking help.

But If you are living with the consequences of your spouse's addiction and they show no signs of wanting help or recovery, it may be a good time to implement the natural consequences of distance. Again, we are not talking divorce papers unless you have received help making that decision.

If you haven't already, communicate clearly and firmly your desire for your spouse to get help, as well as the destructive consequences of their behavior (financial stress, broken trust, the family feeling unsafe, etc.). Then, if your spouse continues to be unwilling to get help, separating is a physical representation of what has already happened emotionally in the marriage. Sometimes, the addict will realize you are serious about moving toward a more permanent separation if they continue to be resistant.

If you have children in the home, take very seriously the behaviors they have witnessed in making your decision.

 

When to Separate: If Irreparable Destruction Has Occurred

I hesitate to reference this one because it is easy to label your current pain as "irreparable," or not able to be repaired, when it may be possible to save your marriage.

Making this decision takes confirmation from professionals around you (sorry, family members are not unbiased professionals). There are some situations that are so destructive, that separation is not only recommended, it is crucial to begin healing.

Spouses living double lives, evil manipulation or violence, extensive un-remorseful infidelity, or cruel mistreatment within the marriage are all very difficult to repair. The overwhelming destruction of these scenarios often includes abuse or addiction, but not always.

If you are asking "when is enough, enough?" the deeper question is usually about whether you will have guilt or regret making this decision.

It is normal to want to know if there is anything else you could have done to save the marriage. Taking a step away can be a less intimidating way to show you are ready to take care of yourself.

You deserve to make this decision carefully with support around you so you are completely assured that it is the right decision.

PrintEmail

So You've Hit a Marriage Setback: 3 Steps (Military.com)

We all have hope for a marriage that lasts and is fulfilling. What we often don't expect is how hard it will be when we disagree with our spouse on important values, military marriage problems or finding ourselves moving at a different pace.

I haven't met anyone who married thinking, "Gee, I don't plan on making this last."

Setbacks can happen when we are least expecting it. An injury while training for a physical goal or a career put on hold for a relocation can be incredibly disappointing and discouraging. You may even be tempted to quit.

Most couples have at least one area of their relationship that they are hoping to improve or fix. Parenting, finances and even sex can lead to heated disagreements and (hopefully) deciding together on ways to get on the same page and work together.

Life's interruptions or an impulsive decision by one of you can make it feel as if you will never reach that goal. In that moment or setback, quitting feels like a very real option.

Sometimes, there are very minor consequences to military marriageproblems or a setback that only require a deep breath, a good night's sleep, and starting again tomorrow.

But destructive choices such as too much video gaming or pornography use by one spouse can cause even bigger consequences, including feeling like this is a major rift in your ability to be a couple.

For some, the marriage is already on thin ice if you are working through serious issues such as overcoming infidelity or addiction. Destructive scenarios like these involve a more detailed process of change and support to gain traction. You may feel like the setbacks will never stop, and you will never be able to move forward.

No matter what you are dealing with as a couple, whether it's small or large, setbacks are more likely than not to happen as you work toward a new pattern of behavior for both of you.

But that doesn't mean all hope is lost. With a few tools in your pocket, you can move through them. Instead of giving up, try these three steps.

1. Hit a pause button.

Learning to develop self-control and hit a pause button when things get complicated is a great practice in general. Self-control gives you the opportunity to think through what is happening, feel any feelings that are naturally there and gain perspective.

Relocations and deployments are a natural interruption in the military lifestyle when everything feels out of order. Basic needs such as food, shelter and safety all take priority, and you might feel distracted from the intense focus you had as a couple.

For example, if you were dependent before your move on a counselor or group for support, it will take some time to find that again.

Try not to rush yourself or your spouse through what you were working through when these bumps come along. Instead, agree on a healthy timeframe to reconnect with support or resume the plan when you are both ready.

Having grace for each other and getting on the same page are more important than aggressively working on the goal. If you find your spouse is not as motivated as you are, invest your energy toward your part by reading an extra book on the subject or taking a deeper look through journaling.

The important thing here is that you process how you are feeling about what happened and avoid doing your spouse's work.

2. Check your progress.

The actual definition of a "setback" involves a "check in progress." Most of us see it as a failure, but it is actually an opportunity to think through the progress you are making -- or not making. In addiction recovery, we teach that relapse is not necessary for recovery but can be "part of the process" if it happens.

Setbacks can provide an opportunity to take a look at the deeper issues that caused it so you can avoid similar mistakes in the future. If you move too quickly, you will miss huge revelations of yourself, your spouse and your relationship. If you are dealing with a bigger issue such as rebuilding trust, a professional counselor can help you find these answers and build greater empathy for each other.

Keep in mind that stressful times such as deployment, reintegration, relocations or trauma can trigger setbacks or relapses, making them more likely to occur. If this is an intense time for your family, be graceful if the setback happened by learning more about each other and doing a good check on whether the path you were on is working. If you know you are going into an intense season, discuss ways to be proactive to prevent one.

3. Move forward.

If your spouse caused your setback, it can be incredibly discouraging to think about moving forward. How many setbacks are too many before you should give up? If you are struggling with this question, finding a counselor to talk to will help you determine what is right for your family.

If you caused a setback, the shame is equally debilitating. Even when you don't feel like it, take the next healthy step forward.

In recovery, there is a phrase -- "fake it till you make it." It doesn't mean you should be inauthentic. It means you decide to take the next step even when you don't feel like it. Eventually, your motivation will come back. Shame (in you or your spouse) spirals into an unproductive place and is not the same thing as processing the present disappointment.

Sometimes, the next step is a willingness to physically reach out and hold your spouse's hand again. Embrace that mistakes in our own lives and our spouses are part of being human. One of my favorite phrases is "start simply, but simply start" and is likely to get you going again.

Every couple has military marriage problems and issues to work through, which means setbacks are going to happen. Who will you be when it happens to you?

PrintEmail

How to Be a Wonder Woman in Your Military Marriage (Military.com)

wonder-woman-1800-ts600.jpg

It was a silly thing to fight over, especially since it was an argument about fitting as much joy as possible into a Florida Disney family vacation.

I, led by my "mom-guilt," argued that our boys had wanted to go "their whole lives" (slight exaggeration). And he, fueled by sheer logic, argued that it logistically made our trip more complicated.

Both of us felt right, and both of us had a good case to be right. In an attempt to hold our positions, we dug in and sabotaged three days we could have otherwise spent together by arguing over a theme park made of Legos.

Conflict in marriage can be incredibly discouraging when you desire to be on the same team but feel like you aren't.

Neither of us woke up that day and said, "Hey, today seems like a great day for an argument." In fact, most couples find themselves arguing over wanting the same thing. In our case, we both wanted to plan the ultimate family vacation, but we had differing perspectives on what made a vacation "ultimate."

The ideal, of course, is to quickly see the value in each other's perspective, but most times couples do the opposite and start digging trenches for battle. And that's how they end up in No Man's Land.

During World War I, opposing armies would dig trenches and aim mortars and ammunition at each other. The land between, known as No Man's Land, lay unoccupied and unowned because of the fear and uncertainty of being ambushed while coming up out of the trenches.

Fighting couples do the same thing. If during conflict you are like me, every shovel of dirt seems to be filled with all the reasons why I am right and why he should surrender. Of course, this is not my most shining moment, but I have a feeling I am not the only one with calluses on my hands.

While I sat in my self-made trench this week, I spent time thinking about the losing battle over No Man's LegoLand. In a heroic scene from the trailer for the new "Wonder Woman" film, she courageously emerges from a World War I trench. Despite incoming mortars and gunfire, she shields herself from enemy contact and slowly makes her way across No Man's Land. As a superhero who stands for personal courage, peace and the pursuit of truth, she is the first to emerge from the trenches.

When hurt enters our relationship, we have a choice to remain hidden in the trenches, continuing to load our mortar weapons, or rise up out of them. No Man's Land will always be scary, especially when the other person is still firing, but someone has to be the first. Someone must be the first to be courageous, first to become vulnerable and first to intentionally pursue the human in the other trench.

It is never fun to go first. Never. The first person to stop fighting and seek peace will usually have to risk the possibility of incoming rounds from the other.

I would love to say that I am Wonder Woman every time, but that simply isn't true. Surprisingly, I have learned equally as much when I have gone second. When my husband is the first to enter No Man's Land, I am faced with a choice to follow his example or validate the existence of my own stubbornness. It is then that I witness my true character and decide who I want to be.

On Christmas Day 1914, French, German and British troops called a truce to exchange greetings and souvenirs, and even play football in No Man's Land. Now known as the Christmas Truce of 1914, opposing forces who spoke different languages came together for a moment of peace. My favorite image of that amazing event is that the troops turned a battlefield littered with death into a football field for play.

During the heat of an argument, it can be hard to see the potential of the land that exists between you and the other person. Your marriage was not created to have a vast space of empty land that separates you. It exists to be a playground. You may rise up and take a few hits, but if you choose your marriage over the trenches you have dug, you just might find a place where you have more in common than you thought.

I was reminded this week that foxholes are homes for foxes, not men, and certainly not Wonder Woman. I am not meant to build a house there.

And who won the battle for LegoLand? No one. What matters most is that we both rose up out of the trenches.

PrintEmail

Sex and Military Marriage: It's Complicated (Military.com)

Let's talk about sex.

One of the most beautiful ways we love our spouses is through sexuality. It's also one of the most emotionally complicated.

Popular culture portrays it as simple, spontaneous and very uncomplicated, but I assure you most couples experience it differently.

Sex is actually one of the top three issues for which couples seek counseling. And the military lifestyle of chaotic schedules and long durations of separation doesn't help.

Despite your best intentions of picking up right where you left off, if you struggle with all of those interruptions to your sex life, you're in no way alone.

I recently sat down for a candid interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma, a clinician and certified sex therapist, for my Lifegiver Podcast. (Important note: This episode is for mature audiences only.)

The interview originally aired for InDependent's 2016 Military Spouse Wellness Summit, but I was able to run an extended version of our conversation. Dr. Sytsma is based out of Atlanta and serves post-affair couples as well as those experiencing sexual difficulty at his Institute, Building Intimate Marriages. I asked Dr. Sytsma about specific intimacy challenges that military couples face at home and during deployments.

Dr. Mike, as he's known, explained that couples sexually "imprint" on each other. If that concept gives you flashbacks to Jacob in the Twilight series, it may not be that far from the truth.

During sex, oxytocin, known as the connective hormone, releases in the body. It is actually the same hormone released during nursing that bonds a mother to her baby. He clarified that when your spouse is gone for long periods of time, you go through what's called "skin hunger," when the body is longing for the touch and the oxytocin to which it is accustomed. That concept explains why during deployment your skin can almost feel like it crawling for something as simple as a safe hug.

Other forms of connection, though, have also been found to release oxytocin, including looking into each other's eyes, holding each other and even hearing the other person's voice.

Dr. Mike encourages military couples to tap into some of these healthy habits that support connections during separations. Although you may not be able to hold hands, associating the sound of your spouse's voice with intimacy and safety will release some oxytocin, even though your body is still going through that skin hunger. Doing that also helps during reintegration when you are getting your groove back.

On the other extreme, Dr. Mike mentioned that he and those in his field have found an opposite result with non-connective habits like pornography. Pornography associates the release of oxytocin with false images and story lines rather than your spouse. Ultimately, this imprinting can interfere with sexual performance with your spouse, especially when life isn't playing out like a fantasy.

The bottom line is this: Be careful and mindful what you choose to imprint on. Aim for good communication, curiosity and intentionality, and you will be on a path to great and meaningful sex.

There is no doubt that healthy sexuality in marriage is a complicated venture. But I like to think that it is supposed to be. Something this vulnerable requires a heart to serve, permission to be selfish, willingness to forgive, a sense of humor and communication. Healthy sexuality is a balancing act that forces you to be vulnerable in order to stay connected.

If you are struggling in this area of your marriage, there is hope and plenty of resources that can help guide, bring healing and direction. Begin by listening to Dr. Mike's interview. All of the resources he mentions can be found here. The Lifegiver App is also free and has interviews from leading marriage experts, stories of success and marriage curriculum that can help you get started today.

Maybe now is a time to be proactive. Begin healthy conversations in your relationship if you need them. Look for a counselor or sex therapist to help you wade through the complicated waters of intimacy. Seek out the healing or forgiveness you need to be vulnerable again.

PrintEmail